7 Simple Tips for the Pregnant Homeschooling Muslim Mom

We go through many highs and lows in our lives and when homeschooling is a major part of it then it is inevitable that it also reflects the changes we go through. Pregnancy is one such event of that greatly effects our homeschool and how to manage such a time is a frequent question I get asked. Take a look at one of them:

Question:

Alhamdulillah, Allah is going to bless us with an addition to our family in a few months In Sha Allah.

Today, a family member said I should have my son admitted to a school next year because he doesn’t have a “schedule”, amongst other things. And after much back and forth discussion, they said I have to be serious about his schooling and how long I plan to keep this up.

I know, and am very adamant that this is the correct decision for my children. I was just wondering if you have faced demotivation and laziness in homeschooling due to pregnancy? Will I be able to focus on his education with a newborn? Does it get harder with more kids?

Answer:

So glad to hear about your blessing mashallah. May Allah make it easy for you and bless your growing family.

To feel demotivated or lazy during pregnancy is not something to be surprised about but it also doesn’t mean you have failed in this journey to homeschool. Homeschool is a lifestyle and it adjusts to pregnancy, new babies or whatever changes you have in life. A hard homeschool is however you define “hard”. You can shift to unschooling for chaotic times and then jump back to a “proper” homeschool whenever you feel stable enough to. Learning does not stop either way but it depends how you view the process.

Read on to find some inspiration to get through this time:

Homeschool as a Lifestyle

This is one answer I have repeated for many homeschooling queries because it is the essence of homeschooling. Young homeschooling children should not be restricted to specific times where they ‘sit and learn’ but rather learning is something that is deeply embedded in their lifestyles, in their eating, cleaning, going out and yes, in their readings and writings as well. You don’t calculate their learning by the hours spent on books or even playing with educational toys.

As a mother, be on an active lookout for opportunities where you can bring some sort new information, fun or colorful to their daily lives.

I’ll give an example that I often repeat. My son learnt counting by sorting groceries, putting away the potatoes and tomatoes instead of the countless worksheets I printed for him. Worksheets, printables and books are best for practice and assessments but not for learning. Children learn from hands-on exercises or their day to day lives activities so make a conscious effort to be guide children in every opportunity.

Homeschooling Rhythm

A lively homeschool for young children rarely follow a strict clock. Instead of being made to follow a schedule, being aware of your daily rhythm sets more peace for both the mother and the young child.

So what exactly is a homeschool rhythm and how does it come about?

A rhythm is a familiar flow of your day flexible enough to allow unexpected events but also gives you a pattern, direction and purpose throughout your day. Having a daily rhythm is more sustainable as a pregnant homeschooling mother than having a rigid schedule. No matter how much people boast of the advantages of having a routine, you as a homeschooling mother should still choose what works best for your situation and for the general happiness in your homeschool environment.

So what does your usual day looks like? Allow yourself to start your day after you feel completely rested. Note down the activities that you usually like to begin with or which you believe to be an ideal addition and give your day a sequence to follow. Remember your goal is not to check off your to-do list or finish x number of pages or books but to create beautiful memories of learning with your child.

When asked what kids remember most fondly about their childhoods, not once in human history has a child recalled the careful and successful adherence to a schedule. -Julie Bogart

Supervise instead of Instruct

Have learning systems, centers or similar no-prep activities in place. Educational toys, letters, numbers, math manipulatives or bust bags – you name it. There is a plethora of such self-learning ideas available online. They allow learning to continue even when you need to clock out for a little rest. This also helps in child-led learning where instead of you acting as their instructor, you get to supervise their learning and gently supplement them where they need it.

“… the secret of Free Development of the child consists in organizing for him the means necessary for his internal nourishment. It is in the satisfaction of this primitive impulse that the child’s personality begins to organise itself and reveal its characteristics.” Maria Montessori

The Three Rs

Reading, Writing and A(r)ithmetic

As your pregnancy proceeds, don’t try to fit everything in your day. It is quite fine to just focus on the core subjects, the three Rs and call it a day. There is no need to always arrange neat and tidy Pinterest-perfect activities for each subject.

• Instead tackling phonics, just cuddle together for a read aloud and point out all the areas of learning.
• Instead of the usual bland writing worksheets or copy work, you can allow toys or tools helpful for Motor Development or encourage writing on fun places like the LED writing tablet, window/bathtub marker or even chalk on the sidewalk.
• Instead of math worksheets or difficult math concept, you can definitely play with math manipulatives or just allow easy practice work that your child likes.

Think outside the box and you will find easier ways fill your checklist while having fun.

Beyond Academics

You are a mother, not a teacher hired by an institution with the responsibility to finish a set boxed curriculum within a certain time frame. A homeschooling mother ALSO does what a teacher does but she can not forget her primary responsibility – the making of a human being. Mothers aren’t just to tend to the physical needs of the child but also look after their emotional need and their character development.

You are a mother first so if you find yourself falling back on your curriculum plan during pregnancy, it doesn’t mean that you have failed. You have still a lot to accomplish. Instead of putting up a school setting, just cuddle with your children, have conversations or read stories. Be a parent instead of teacher and you will be surprised how much non-academic things you can teach just by being present. During this time focus on life skills, on your family values, good character traits that you could possibly impart.

Young children are naturally kind and loving. Teach them empathy and compassion by speaking of your pain and discomfort and encourage them to help out house chores that can lessen your burden. All of this is part of essential learning a child must go through in order to become a kind, competent and healthy adult.

Victim Mindset

And, sometimes, our peers will encourage us to assume the victim status: we are easier to sympathize with when we are pathetic. But the problem with assuming victim status is that it disempowers you in the long run. The victim narratives tells you that you have no choice, no agency, that everything bad has been done to you, that you have no options, that you have no responsibility, that you are powerless. –Show Up: A Motivational Message for Muslim Women by Naima B. Robert.

Take a deep look if the struggles in your pregnancy you believe to be in are those assumed by you and made to believe by those around you OR are you really not able to achieve what you’ve planned despite summoning all the possible willpower? Be true to yourself and hold yourself accountable of all that you’ve tried to do and then forgive yourself in what ever you fall short in. Falling into the victim mindset robs you of your willpower and fuels resentment towards everyone around you.

When I discovered I was to be a mother of twins with two children already to homeschool, I was overwhelmed. My children would soon double overnight! Throw in some difficult times in pregnancy, doctor’s caution, internet fear-mongering and the reinforcement of my loved ones about how difficult it would be, truly made me believe that my easy and comfortable life was now over. I became a victim of something I had not planned (twins are mostly a surprise) and became paralysed with the thought that I could do nothing now.

Looking back to my twin pregnancy, their birth and post-partum, I am able to see just how much ease and help I got from Allah but during that time I could not see or move beyond the thought that I’m going through something that almost no one does. That paralysis hurt me, destroyed my homeschooling mindset and made me neglect so much of my children’s needs. It took many tears and months of different choices, quitting homeschooling and starting again that I found my way out of that black hole.

The light at the end of the Tunnel of Victimization was acceptance that Allah only gives us what we can bear. He knew I had the strength within me to become stronger, more tenacious to overcome my struggles and be who I aspire to become which is why I was tested the way I was.

What about you? No one has the same situation or struggle so what do you believe of your condition now?

Confidence

In your question, you mentioned being told to be serious about your children’s education and you were rightfully indignant. Take this moment to assess why such comment even though they are meant out of love, shake you with doubt. The little bit of uncertainty that these comments bring forth creep into your reactions and behavior and are noticed by your little ones. They would feel more encouraged to rebel and test you and their resistance and acting out will make your mind reinforce the doubt.

So build up your confidence and take every well-meaning advice without indignation because you are a brave, passionate and committed parent to decide to homeschool and your decision with your hardworking will only bring joy and success to your children. Inshallah.

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Do you have a question regarding pregnancy and homeschooling? Drop it in the comments below, I’d love to hear from you.

-Ami Ji